Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
