if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
