Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
