Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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