I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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