So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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