sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
