Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he thought i was a dude.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
