Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize