Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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