i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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