3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize