look no pants
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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