I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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