I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
