Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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