party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
