didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
