He had one of those small greek statue penises
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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