i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All the doctor said was why
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize