what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
