if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
