Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
