he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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