my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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