I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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