She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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