I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
