I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
