It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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