guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
