we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
