Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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