Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
