i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize