I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
