She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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