I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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