I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize