you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
