It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
