i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
