Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Randomize
