I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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