Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
