I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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