i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
