i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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