dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
