Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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