i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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