her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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