i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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