Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
