I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
