I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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