it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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