OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
