if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
