im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize