He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
