She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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