Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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