so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
