so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
